(trigger warnings: suicide, depression, suicidal thoughts, trauma, assault.)
There’s one moment in Jerrod Carmichael‘s directorial debut, the dark bromance comedy On the Count of Three, where one character utters a line that will undoubtedly resonate with everyone who’s had suicidal thoughts before. “Not waking up tomorrow,” he says. “It’s the most beautiful thought I’ve had in a long time.” Everyone who’s ever thought of killing themselves; who’s ever thought that the world will be better off without them must’ve at least once shared the same sentiment. It’s a feeling that’s actually much more universal than all of us dare or care to think about. We just don’t talk about it cause it spooks us; cause talking about suicide is still considered taboo.
In On the Count of Three, however, there’s no such thing as taboo. Depression and suicide are at the center of the story from start to finish. The movie is unafraid to show us how hopeless someone might become when they feel like death is the only solution to all of their problems. It’s dark and might be a little triggering to some audiences on the one hand. But on the other hand, it’s honest and non-judgmental, and also hilarious. Carmichael, along with his scriptwriters Ari Katcher and Ryan Welch, has found a way to address these sensitive topics in a bold and fearless way without ever once feeling like they’re downplaying or exploiting it.
Two Guys, Two Guns, One Pact
Christopher Abbott and Carmichael himself star as Kevin and Val, two long-life best friends, both equally hopeless and depressed, who make a pact to kill each other by the end of the day. The movie opens with them standing in a parking lot outside of a strip club at 10:30 am both with handguns pointed at each other’s heads. But before we know whether they’ll go through with their pact, the movie immediately flashes back to earlier the day, where we see Val, in his blue work uniform, smoking his cigarette while trying to ignore calls from his girlfriend (Tiffany Haddish in a brief but memorable role) before attempting to hang himself at his workplace’s restroom — a suicide attempt that goes ludicrously.
Refusing to give up on ending his life, Val then decides to quit his job, even though he’s just been offered a promotion, and spring Kevin out of the psychiatric hospital where he’s being taken care of after a failed suicide attempt days before. His goal, however, is not simply to free Kevin, but to ask him to commit joint suicide. When Kevin asks his best friend the reason why he wants to kill himself, he confesses that he’s tired of living, that he’s afraid of being in a committed relationship with his girlfriend, and that he just wants to end it all — a sentiment that Kevin is obviously not unfamiliar with his whole life.
As the two get ready to go through with the plan, Kevin balks at the last minute, asking Val to give him one more day to life to do absolutely everything before eventually committing to the pact when the sun goes down. This means confronting Val’s abusive father (J.B. Smoove) and seeking revenge on Kevin’s former therapist (Henry Winkler) who sexually molested him when he was a kid. But in a chaotic fashion, things go south real fast. What they’ve imagined they’re gonna do on their last day on earth does not go exactly as planned. And together they have to face the consequences of their little misadventure.
The moments when these two best friends are in too deep on their mess is where On the Count of Three is at its most excellent. The movie strikes the perfect balance between Safdie Brothers-style action, airtight thriller, drama, and comedy. And this is all a testament to Carmichael‘s skill as a director. He grounds every frame with surgical precision, giving focus and depth that anchors the movie even in its most unhinged scene. Katcher and Welch‘s writing is equally marvelous, filling every moment with love and compassion while still keeping things hilarious at the same time.
What holds everything are the performances from the two leads. The chemistry between Abbott and Carmichael creates explosive energy to the movie. The former, in particular, is a standout, providing intensity to the latter’s muted performance. It shouldn’t come as a surprise honestly, as Abbott, who keeps proving his versatility in any roles, is one of the greatest actors working today. The duo gives the anarchic tone of the movie a high sensitivity that it’s hard to not empathize with them and their struggles.
On Male Mental Health Issues
Still, what in the end makes On the Count of Three a winning movie is its depiction of mental illness; never once does it feel toned down or exploitative. It’s portrayed as honestly as possible. In Kevin, we see someone who’s visibly depressed, constantly seen as hopeless and suicidal. But on the other hand, in Val, we see someone who seems to have a good life — or, at least a slightly better life than his best friend — yet still equally unhappy and suffering. In that regard, On the Count of Three reminds us that depression doesn’t always seem one way, but it can take in many forms.
The misconceptions surrounding depression — that it’s only about being and looking visibly sad — are the reasons why it’s often so misunderstood, as it may contribute to the stigma attached to the illness. Someone who looks okay on the outside, like Val, can still have depression. In fact, most of the time, depressed people tend to hide their struggles with a smile, as it’s easier to pretend things are okay instead of having to explain what happens to them.
As someone who’s been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, On the Count of Three‘s depiction of the illness, hits really close to home. When Kevin says “it hurts to be ignored,” I can’t help but feel aches both for him and for myself. And On the Count of Three, in spite of having plenty of jokes and over-the-top violence, is filled with this kind of moment — ones that are honest and painfully relatable. To say that this movie is triggering would be an understatement. I found myself shaking and crying long after the movie finished, cause I know and deeply understand what these two best friends are feeling.
Final Thought
While this may sound bleak, On the Count of Three is actually also filled with moments that celebrate the beauty of life and human connections. The friendship between Val and Kevin, in particular, provides a sense of hope to an otherwise depressing movie. We see two people, broken as they might be, who help and build each other up; who try their best to save each other despite not being able to save themselves. It’s touching to see it unfold on screen. Life, as the movie suggests, is hard. It kicks us down every day, but when we find the right person to spend it with; a friend who will do anything for us, there’s always something worth living every day. That, in the end, is the beauty of On the Count of Three.
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